Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
