sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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