everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
