You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
