Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
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The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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