I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
