My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
