I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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