I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
