giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
