remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
