Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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