If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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