Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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