Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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