Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
