So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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