Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.