Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.