I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
