Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
