the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
