please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
