there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
