peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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