I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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