My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"