There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.