Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
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If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
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Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.