She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral