I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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