Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's