My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
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No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..