I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today