Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.