Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up