He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
