Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
