Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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