I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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