whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
