so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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