I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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