eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
