This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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