when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
