I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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