So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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