Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
