Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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