I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
