he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it hurts more in the daytime
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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