would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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