Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize