i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
