I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
