I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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