Don't make out with my wife yet
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
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