I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
