Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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