What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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