I can text with my tongue
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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